Light in My Darkness

The son calmly motions me toward the room where his mother rests. His face has changed from before; now it is relaxed and deflated just like all his emotion has drained out. He says “Could you…” I nod and walk with him. He says “I think she….” I say quietly “oh…yes” Wincing mentally as I comprehend his broken hearted half sentences. Apprehension fills my heart and I enter the room quietly. I gently place my stethoscope over her heart. Expecting to hear silence, I am surprised to hear the heart “flickering”. It is not beating but it is not silent. Slowly the flicker fades and I hear the darkness, the darkness of death. My face flushes and tears prickle my eyes. Taking off my stethoscope I look up to the son’s now tearful face and say “I am sorry. I am so sorry”. I hug him, saying it over and over again. “I am sorry, I am so sorry” Oh the darkness that surrounds us in this world. I have seen and felt the darkness but that day I heard the darkness. I heard the darkness of sadness, pain and emptiness; the pain and sadness of a son watching his mother die and the emptiness of a husband losing his wife of 60 years. Yes it is true the darkness of pain and the darkness of sin permeates our everyday lives. Yet this sobering reality does not overwhelm the fact that God is light. What a glorious light it is for He is good and just. His beauty cannot be hidden by the night. God shines His radiance in our darkened world yet we refuse to see it. We like to live in our shadows and spurn the light for it exposes our sin and ugliness. His light is seen in the splendor and intricacy of nature and in our very existence as humans but we will not acknowledge that truth. Most importantly His light is seen in His gracious salvation. He sent his Son to be the Light of the World yet they crucified Him because He brought the light. To this day we as humans still reject God’s Son. We reject His Light. God does not want mankind to live in darkness so to those who accept His salvation He promises light. The darkness threatened my soul that day as I despaired to see the pain and suffering. Yet because I had accepted God’s salvation my flame continued to burn brightly. His light poured down on me as He reminded me through His kindness that I no longer lived in the darkness. He reminded me that though I may hear, see and feel the darkness I am full of His light. My heart can truthfully and passionately say of God “For You light my lamp; The Lord my God illumines my darkness”