Lub Dub, Lub Dub, Inhale, Exhale, Lub Dub, Lub Dub, Inhale, Exhale. Life consist s of these two cadent rhythms. There is something peaceful about listening to the regular beating of a heart or feeling a chest simply rise and fall. There is something comforting about these declarations; because these quiet declarations reassure the querying mind that life continues in that moment. For one more glorious moment fear is at bay and one is assured that life exists. Yes for that instant the minds of the vigilant wife and the increasingly attentive nurse are relieved of their anxiety.
Inhale, exhale, inhale, exhale; faster and faster; inhale, exhale, inhale exhale. Fear pours out of his eyes as he grips the bed trying to catch his ever fleeting breath. His whole body heaves as it strains to obtain the life giving oxygen provided with each gasping breath. Beep, beep, beep goes the oxygen monitor screaming for the nurse to take action. In her head the nurse squaks back, “I hear you, what do you think I am doing?” She fearfully yet dutifully glances at the number. Her stomach drops and heart starts pounding out of her chest. For a moment all she can hear is her heart and the incessant beeping. Adreniline has now sufficiently made it through her entire body and it is fight or flight….FIGHT.
So the battle ensues. The nurse fights. The doctor fights. The patient fights. The respiratory therapist fights. Other nurses fight. The once peaceful room is now flooded with people, equipment and loud verbal communication yet there is very little chaos for they know what to do. They fight as team of individuals each carrying out their own specific duty to insure that this man’s life continues in the next moment. They fight for his life in this world. For a half an hour the battle continues to rage although to no avail.
Although their fight was a valiant and worthy one, they are but mere humans beings of flesh and bone; it is not in their power to give or sustain life. How can one piece of grass sustain another? This team, although capable professionals, were not allowed to win this noble fight, the fight for this man’s life. The power which they did possess was given them by their Creator. THE all powerful God is the one who sustain our lives; not nurses, doctors or medicine. He graciously allows every human being their next breath for it is His kind will to do so. God has numbered our days down to our last heart beat. When God withdraws His hand the two peaceful cadent rhythms of life cease to sing; the chest no longer rises and falls and the lub dub of the heart is no longer audible. When God withdraws His hand our spirit leaves our body and flees into eternity. The day we are born we are destined for eternity. Our very life and breath is given us not to be squandered selfishly but to be used up for the glory of the Creator and Sustainer of life.
Thursday, November 25, 2010
Friday, July 9, 2010
Living Hell
Ten hours down and two more to go until the end of my shift yet it feels like an eternity, an eternity in Hell. Tears fill my eyes and spill down my cheeks as stare out the window and mentally try to block out the incessant banging, crashing, moaning and barely audible but intensely desperate whispers. My heart has broken countless times; my patience has dried up; my nerves are raw; I am physically exhausted and I have run out of kind words. Yet I am only an observer to the torture this man is experiencing; torture like one hates to imagine. Yet I find myself wondering….
What it must be like for my body to be in constant writhing and uncontrollable motion. What it must be like to feel my leg flying straight up in the air and slamming itself down on the bed with a thud. What it must be like to feel my hips twisting side to side as if on a hinge. What it must be like to feel my head bobbing up and down and shaking back and forth, flagrently disregarding my mental commands to cease. What it must be like to finally find myself at rest in the fetal position but only for a split second for both my feet shoot out and dive over the edge of the bed leaving me half in and half out. What it must be like to find that my toes will not stop tapping not matter how sternly I tell them to be still; to sense my jittery hands tugging and picking at my covers for no apparent reason. There go my legs again and now they are near my face; I watch in bewilderment as they dart out in opposite directions before sprawling awkwardly on my bed. My tongue forces its way out of my mouth like a caged lion and now I am tossing and turning at a high rate of speed. Stillness and peace do not exist in my world. As the seconds of my life tick by so does my body. While my body writhes so does my mind for all my will power and determination cannot quiet this wild beast. This must be a nightmare….somebody help! “Help me, help me” I yell, yet no audible words come out. So I scream louder and more clearly pronouncing each syllable yet only a slight groan escapes.….
I am jerked out of my painful ponderings of this man’s misery just in time to avoid getting clocked in the head by a flying foot. Last time I was not so lucky and took a beating to the stomach. (Sigh) Unfortunately this is not a nightmare, this is a reality. This is a living Hell. This is Chorea in Huntington’s Disease. Sickness, disease, pain and death permeate the world; there is not a single person that has escaped their clutches. Why? Why do people suffer so? Ultimately it is because of sin, not because of a virus, bacteria, genes, toxins, free radical or carcinogens. When sin entered the World in the Garden of Eden so did death and its process. Sin brought physical and spiritual death to humanity. Sin made us enemies of the Most High God instead of adoring children. Sin severed that beautiful relationship that we were created to have with God and left us in a helpless miserable state on our way to the eternal Hell. While we may not be able to escape pain and suffering in this life, if we accept the salvation God has offered to us, He promises us His loving presence and a relationship with Him during our stay on earth and an eternity in Heaven with Him. We may experience Hell in this life but that does not mean we have to live there for eternity.
What it must be like for my body to be in constant writhing and uncontrollable motion. What it must be like to feel my leg flying straight up in the air and slamming itself down on the bed with a thud. What it must be like to feel my hips twisting side to side as if on a hinge. What it must be like to feel my head bobbing up and down and shaking back and forth, flagrently disregarding my mental commands to cease. What it must be like to finally find myself at rest in the fetal position but only for a split second for both my feet shoot out and dive over the edge of the bed leaving me half in and half out. What it must be like to find that my toes will not stop tapping not matter how sternly I tell them to be still; to sense my jittery hands tugging and picking at my covers for no apparent reason. There go my legs again and now they are near my face; I watch in bewilderment as they dart out in opposite directions before sprawling awkwardly on my bed. My tongue forces its way out of my mouth like a caged lion and now I am tossing and turning at a high rate of speed. Stillness and peace do not exist in my world. As the seconds of my life tick by so does my body. While my body writhes so does my mind for all my will power and determination cannot quiet this wild beast. This must be a nightmare….somebody help! “Help me, help me” I yell, yet no audible words come out. So I scream louder and more clearly pronouncing each syllable yet only a slight groan escapes.….
I am jerked out of my painful ponderings of this man’s misery just in time to avoid getting clocked in the head by a flying foot. Last time I was not so lucky and took a beating to the stomach. (Sigh) Unfortunately this is not a nightmare, this is a reality. This is a living Hell. This is Chorea in Huntington’s Disease. Sickness, disease, pain and death permeate the world; there is not a single person that has escaped their clutches. Why? Why do people suffer so? Ultimately it is because of sin, not because of a virus, bacteria, genes, toxins, free radical or carcinogens. When sin entered the World in the Garden of Eden so did death and its process. Sin brought physical and spiritual death to humanity. Sin made us enemies of the Most High God instead of adoring children. Sin severed that beautiful relationship that we were created to have with God and left us in a helpless miserable state on our way to the eternal Hell. While we may not be able to escape pain and suffering in this life, if we accept the salvation God has offered to us, He promises us His loving presence and a relationship with Him during our stay on earth and an eternity in Heaven with Him. We may experience Hell in this life but that does not mean we have to live there for eternity.
Holding His Hand
I nod as I walk into the room; physically and mentally assenting to my nurse’s reminder that I was there for his safety. Patients with severe head trauma are at a great risk for hurting themselves because their brains are not functioning properly. Taking stalk of the situation in one glance, I notice many things.
The patient is obviously very agitated and not in touch with the world as we know it. I see him squirming and wrigling, with flailing arms and legs, figetty hands, a sweaty furrowed brow, and dark confused eyes that randomly appear through his half open eyelids. His movement s are jerky and unintentional. Much to my relief I notice four shiny silver hand cuffs each one restraining one of his extremities. Along with the comfort these silver restraints bring, they also bring the reality that I am not caring for an innocent man. In case I was not so quick to pick up on this, the guard in the room reminds me. In attempt to calm his agitation and decrease the chance of him doing great harm to himself, I try many different measures ranging from turning the lights off to giving him medication. One of the more successful methods (although none were particularly effective) was just holding his hand. So that is what I did.
Toward the end of my 12 hour shift the guard hands me the local paper suggesting that I read an article that had been written about my patient’s situation. Knowing very little of the details of what brought my patient to the hospital and what had landed him in prison, I decided it would be worth my time. “OH MY, OH MY!” was all that I could think. I was in shock! All day long I had been holding the hand of a man that had been convicted of 2nd degree murder!
If I had known at the beginning of my shift who this man really was, would I have tried as hard to keep him safe? Would I have tried as hard to keep him comfortable? Would I have been as kind to him? Would I have held his hand?
As I pondered these revealing questions my heart is pierced as I recalled a similar situation in my life. Jesus Christ, knowing my wicked, rebellious heart and seeing my miserable helpless condition still chose to love me passionately and unconditionally. To me, the one who was once His enemy, the one who hated and ran from Him, the one who personally offended and offends Him, the one who sent Him to the cross to die a cruel death, to me His murderer, He gave eternal life. He gave His life so that I may live and have a personal relationship with the God of the universe. (Now that is what I call living!) He pulled me out of my wretched state and gave me hope. He gave me hope that there is more to life than this miserable existence. He calmed my agitated heart and brought a peace that overwhelmed my mind and body leaving me tranquilly resting in His arms. He loosened those restraining bonds of sin and freed me to do what I was created to do, serve Him. My Savior did all of this for me and yet I wanted to refrain from a simple act of kindness. My Savior gave His life and yet I did not want to hold this man’s hand.
The patient is obviously very agitated and not in touch with the world as we know it. I see him squirming and wrigling, with flailing arms and legs, figetty hands, a sweaty furrowed brow, and dark confused eyes that randomly appear through his half open eyelids. His movement s are jerky and unintentional. Much to my relief I notice four shiny silver hand cuffs each one restraining one of his extremities. Along with the comfort these silver restraints bring, they also bring the reality that I am not caring for an innocent man. In case I was not so quick to pick up on this, the guard in the room reminds me. In attempt to calm his agitation and decrease the chance of him doing great harm to himself, I try many different measures ranging from turning the lights off to giving him medication. One of the more successful methods (although none were particularly effective) was just holding his hand. So that is what I did.
Toward the end of my 12 hour shift the guard hands me the local paper suggesting that I read an article that had been written about my patient’s situation. Knowing very little of the details of what brought my patient to the hospital and what had landed him in prison, I decided it would be worth my time. “OH MY, OH MY!” was all that I could think. I was in shock! All day long I had been holding the hand of a man that had been convicted of 2nd degree murder!
If I had known at the beginning of my shift who this man really was, would I have tried as hard to keep him safe? Would I have tried as hard to keep him comfortable? Would I have been as kind to him? Would I have held his hand?
As I pondered these revealing questions my heart is pierced as I recalled a similar situation in my life. Jesus Christ, knowing my wicked, rebellious heart and seeing my miserable helpless condition still chose to love me passionately and unconditionally. To me, the one who was once His enemy, the one who hated and ran from Him, the one who personally offended and offends Him, the one who sent Him to the cross to die a cruel death, to me His murderer, He gave eternal life. He gave His life so that I may live and have a personal relationship with the God of the universe. (Now that is what I call living!) He pulled me out of my wretched state and gave me hope. He gave me hope that there is more to life than this miserable existence. He calmed my agitated heart and brought a peace that overwhelmed my mind and body leaving me tranquilly resting in His arms. He loosened those restraining bonds of sin and freed me to do what I was created to do, serve Him. My Savior did all of this for me and yet I wanted to refrain from a simple act of kindness. My Savior gave His life and yet I did not want to hold this man’s hand.
Is There Really Such A Thing?
What do a stormy ocean, a rollercoaster and a boiling kettle of water have in common? They can all describe our emotions. Recently a question was posed “Is there such a thing as an emotionally stable woman?” From the males participating in the discussion there was a resounding “NO!” and I must admit there were even girls that agreed. Part of my divided heart joins their resounding affirmation of the emotional instability of women. It is with sadness that I agree because I have seen it day after day, month after month and year after year. I have seen the pain and sadness, the ravaged relationships and ruined lives that these women have left in their wake.
Yet I can’t quite reconcile my heart to believe that all women live in such a manner. Why you may ask? Because I have seen these rare and precious jewels. They are hidden in the dark and dingy gravel of the road. They are buried in the jagged muddy rock piles. They are next to the ordinary pebbles at the bottom of a stream. But I have seen them because my eye is caught and captured by their beauty. You can’t help but see them and once you have, you can’t take your eyes off of them. Let me describe them to you. To be emotionally stable does not mean that you do not experience emotions, for God created us to think and feel and experience emotion. It is the emotionally stable woman that does not let her emotion dictate her actions. She chooses to filter her thoughts and feelings and emotions of joy, anger, sadness, frustration, pity, hope & hopelessness, discouragement, contentment, fear, and happiness through the Word of God. Although she may be experiencing an emotion she does not always act on it. She chooses to act according to what she knows the Word of God says. God is her foundation and she clings to Him so that she is not tossed around and carried away by her emotions. She is emotionally stable because her foundation is stable. She is like the gravel, rocks and pebbles in that she experiences the same emotions that they do but her brilliance is seen as she walks calmly and serenely through life saying “He only is my rock and my salvation; My stronghold; I shall not be greatly shaken.” Ps 62:2
Yet I can’t quite reconcile my heart to believe that all women live in such a manner. Why you may ask? Because I have seen these rare and precious jewels. They are hidden in the dark and dingy gravel of the road. They are buried in the jagged muddy rock piles. They are next to the ordinary pebbles at the bottom of a stream. But I have seen them because my eye is caught and captured by their beauty. You can’t help but see them and once you have, you can’t take your eyes off of them. Let me describe them to you. To be emotionally stable does not mean that you do not experience emotions, for God created us to think and feel and experience emotion. It is the emotionally stable woman that does not let her emotion dictate her actions. She chooses to filter her thoughts and feelings and emotions of joy, anger, sadness, frustration, pity, hope & hopelessness, discouragement, contentment, fear, and happiness through the Word of God. Although she may be experiencing an emotion she does not always act on it. She chooses to act according to what she knows the Word of God says. God is her foundation and she clings to Him so that she is not tossed around and carried away by her emotions. She is emotionally stable because her foundation is stable. She is like the gravel, rocks and pebbles in that she experiences the same emotions that they do but her brilliance is seen as she walks calmly and serenely through life saying “He only is my rock and my salvation; My stronghold; I shall not be greatly shaken.” Ps 62:2
Be Thou My Vision
Be Thou my Vision, O Lord of my heart;
Naught be all else to me, save that Thou art.
Thou my best Thought, by day or by night,
Waking or sleeping, Thy presence my light.
Be Thou my Wisdom, and Thou my true Word;
I ever with Thee and Thou with me, Lord;
Thou my great Father, I Thy true son;
Thou in me dwelling, and I with Thee one.
Riches I heed not, nor man’s empty praise,
Thou mine Inheritance, now and always:
Thou and Thou only, first in my heart,
High King of Heaven, my Treasure Thou art.
High King of Heaven, my victory won,
May I reach Heaven’s joys, O bright Heaven’s Sun!
Heart of my own heart, whatever befall,
Still be my Vision, O Ruler of all.
Naught be all else to me, save that Thou art.
Thou my best Thought, by day or by night,
Waking or sleeping, Thy presence my light.
Be Thou my Wisdom, and Thou my true Word;
I ever with Thee and Thou with me, Lord;
Thou my great Father, I Thy true son;
Thou in me dwelling, and I with Thee one.
Riches I heed not, nor man’s empty praise,
Thou mine Inheritance, now and always:
Thou and Thou only, first in my heart,
High King of Heaven, my Treasure Thou art.
High King of Heaven, my victory won,
May I reach Heaven’s joys, O bright Heaven’s Sun!
Heart of my own heart, whatever befall,
Still be my Vision, O Ruler of all.
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